A Very Sirius WalMart Adventures
by DressagePunk
Summary: A late night adventure through a Muggle Wal-mart, with a drunk Sirius and Hermione. Hilarity ensues, and so do the lemons... read and review :


A Very Sirius Wal-Mart Adventures

Sirius was sitting at the kitchen table, head leaning on his hand, at number 12 Grimmald Place. The kitchen was completely silent, but the rest of the house was well... busy. With Harry and Ginny's wedding only a few weeks away, tonight was chosen as the night for their respective hen and stag parties.

The stag party had been a mild success, random tarts hitting on Harry, Ron striking out with everyone he talked too. Even the drag queen, who was very obviously a man, turned him down. Though after the dozen or so fire-whiskeys Ron had drank made his perseverance pretty bloody resilient. Lupin had left quickly after wishing Harry the best; he never really fit in now that his third child was on the way.

Harry had gotten bored and owled Ginny who quickly promised to meet him here. So now Sirius was stuck alone as Harry and Ginny had their fun on the second floor. Ron had decided that besides her oddities Luna wouldn't be horrible in bed, so they had the third floor. Nothing in the world made Sirius even kind of want to walk past their doors.

At that moment the fire behind his chair rose, turned green and a petite witch hopped out of the flames. She walked around Sirius and sat beside him.

"Hey 'Mione. What took you so long to get back?"

"Some bloody idiot was pleading his love to me, and it seemed rude to just blow him off." her words were enunciated yet the sleepy haze of alcohol was present.

Sirius laughed and could only imagine the scene, "So what'd you do? Let the poor man, pledge his love and then gave yours back?" he laughed again

"I waited and then I hexed him back to the four century." Hermione said playing with the old glass of water

"I'm tired 'Mione" Sirius whined

"Go to bed genius." she retorted draining the water

"Can't"

"Why?" she inquired

"Harry's shagging Ginny on the second floor, and Ron's doing Luna on the third. It's just too much to walk through." he said slamming his drunken forehead a little too forcefully on the table.

"Ewww, I guess I'm not getting to my room either."

The pair sat in silence for a little while longer, until Hermione broke it, "Do you want to go, out?"

"Go out where?" Sirius replied with a supercilious look

"Let's take a Muggle adventure." She finished with a smirk

"You know, I'm game." Sirius said standing.

Hermione just smiled and pointed her wand at Sirius's robes. His robes turned into jeans and a polo. But as if he didn't notice he just starred at Hermione as she dropped her robes. Her robes hit the floor to reveal her hot pink dress, with black mess in the hip panels and the shoulder, but as she turned he saw the giant cutout from the back of the dress.

His pants started to get a little tight, which even as hot as Hermione was, he didn't think his arousal was really possible with as much alcohol as he'd consumed already. But after seeing how rather inadequately he was dressed next her, he raised an eyebrow, "Really Hermione, you need to be fashionably superior then I am?" he joked but she waved her wand and his clothes switched into a handsomely tailored three piece suit.

The charcoal suit just about matched his dark grey eyes, but Sirius wasn't paying particular attention to the black silk shirt and dark pink tie that now graced his frame. Well more attention to the tie that was slowly closing off his airway, as his hands grabbed at his pants. "Hermione, HERMIONE the inseam." Sirius said in a panic voice.

"Oh oops" she whispered and fixed his problem, at the same time his tie loosened its chokehold.

Hermione laughed as Sirius regained his composure.

"Merlin, Princess Witch Tits, was that necessary?" he retorted

"Maybe" she giggled and headed for the door.

Reaching the bottom of the stone steps, Hermione pulled Sirius around the steps and opened a small garage door. A black and red racing bike sat in the corner almost new, as Sirius had only recently purchased it as he regained his freedom. Sirius jumped on the bike throwing a worn grey leather jacket at Hermione. She gladly slipped it on and mounted the bike.

"Hang on 'Mione, and I'll promise not to read into it." Sirius laughed as the pair sped off down the street.

Sirius decided while they were still in route to where ever the hell Hermione was directing him, that he needed to get laid, and fairly quickly. By god, the fact that a woman was merely wrapped around his back with nothing but his suit and the thin material of her underwear was separating them made his pants uncomfortable tight once more.

The pair finally reached a bright Muggle parking lot. Hermione disjointed the bike, and magicked the jacket to stay with the bike. The pair walked to the left doors of a very large store. Wal-Mart a sign glowed. Hermione waltzed through the doors and Sirius followed her admiring her toned legs that seemed about a mile long especially as the black leather ankle boots had a six inch spike or so on them.

Hermione grabbed a ridiculous looking blue plastic basket and walked up the isles. Sirius grabbed a box of Band-Aids and shot a curious look at Hermione.

"Their protectors that Muggles put over cuts to keep them clean." she stated

"Muggles, their just rather odd aren't they?" the rhetorical question was only answered by an old women shooting him an odd look, presumably for using the word Muggle.

Hermione quickly ditched the basket in favor of a cart and slowly paraded down the aisles grabbing everything purple she could find. Purple markers. Purple Band-Aids, much to Sirius's dismay. Dark purple towels.

Walking through the house-wear section Hermione pulled a package of dark purple silk sheets. Sirius couldn't help but notice they were a little too big for the bed in her room but the perfect size for the bed in his.

The pair walked making small talk until they reached the personal care section. Bottles of purple hairnets product hit the cart and after Hermione sprayed one, Sirius was sure it smelled like spoiled grapes. Hermione started to throw a purple box into the cart, when Sirius stopped her.

"What are those?" he questioned

"They're... well..." she paused and a blood red blush flew over her cheeks.

"Out with it."

"They're condoms." she stated and started to push the cart

"Condoms? What do they do?"

"They're protection."

"Oh, like the Band-Aids"

"No, Sirius, not really." she once again blushed and kept walking

"Then what are they?"

"They're basically a protective cover for your..." Hermione's voice trailed off as the same old Muggle women walked very close to us.

"For your penis." she said with a giggle, and that's when Sirius was sure that Muggles were indeed very odd.

Skipping over the technology department, because Muggle technology didn't work in the presence of magic, and later the clothing section because they'd both agreed they were impeccably dressed.

Reaching the food section, Sirius seemed mildly intrigued by the soda. It wasn't particularly popular in the wizarding world. Sirius uncapped a bottle and took a long swig. Hermione copied him, and quickly started drinking. Sirius said that it was meant as a challenge ad he started to swallow the liquid in exceptionally large gulps. He stopped quickly when she tipped the bottle completely vertical and the swell of her throat throbbed as the liquid rushed down it.

She smiled as her bottle was empty and his was still half full. "Can't keep up, Sirius"

"Not with you Princess Witch Tits" he laughed and grabbed a bottle if watered down rum.

Throwing that back, he almost had to choke it back up. It was coconut flavored, anyway having downed half the bottled, he could feel half his buzz from early today returning.

Hermione finished it, and the pair ditched the cart of Purple non-sense and quickly walked out of the store. Hermione hoped on the bike and wrapped her hands within the vest if Sirius's suit.

The bike seemed to be traveling at impossibly fast speeds, as Hermione's hands traveled around Sirius's muscled chest; Sirius's pants regained their incredibly tight feeling. The pair barely made it into the kitchen before the motorcycle jacket and Sirius's suit coat hit the floor. Sirius's lips had let to leave her's.

As she moved to strip him of his vest and shirt his lips traveled down her neck to her collar bone. Yanking everything off Sirius's top half to reveal muscles covered in unreadable tattoos. His hands grabbed the button of her dress, undoing it, and letting the fabric hit the floor.

Returning her to his lips, Sirius slipped his hand into her black lace thong and cupped her heat. She had slid off his pants revealing the lack of underwear. He'd sworn he'd worn some this afternoon but maybe she'd magicked them off when she'd transfigured his clothes.

A little whimper rushed out of her lips as he slipped a single finger into her quivering cunt. He ripped off her thong throwing it aside and slamming her naked frame into the kitchen table.

"Come on, Sirius"

"What was that 'Mione?"

"Hurry up."

"Well Princess, say it."

"Sirius, Please Fuck me, Now." she said wrapping her legs around his back.

Sirius quickly entered her in one stroke, and watched as her eyes dilated as she grew used to his girth. He started moving quickly in and out. Kissing her collarbone as she moaned. When Sirius started to groan, she felt her interior muscles start to quiver. Quickly stopping them, she resumed kissing him before capturing his lips once more.

Sirius was honestly in pain, at this moment, it had well been a while. And lasting long was something he prided himself on. It didn't help either that Hermione's heels were dug into his lower back egging him faster. Her walls once again started to pulse and as Sirius let go, Hermione almost screamed, but it mostly came out as a throaty moan.

Sirius kissed her temple and the pair fell into a relaxed, alcohol helped sleep.

Hermione awoke with a sharp pain in her neck, looking at the kitchen of Sirius's house upside down. Her head was thrown off the kitchen table. She sat up and saw Sirius lying next to her sporting a rather impressive erection. At that moment she heard footfalls on the stairs. She quickly ripped a curtain off the rings, and smacked Sirius.

He awoke with a start and jumped off the table. He grabbed the side of the curtain, that wasn't wrapped around Hermione. The feet grew closer as the pair looked for a way out. Anyone walking down the stairs would see them leave. They couldn't hide with Kreacher. The fireplace was the only way out.

Hermione pulled Sirius to the fireplace and as she took a handful of Floo powder.

Luna stepped into the kitchen and caught Hermione's eye, "oh Hello Hermione". She almost whispered

And Hermione, not one to really be rude just ignored her and Floo'd to the Leaky Cauldron.

When they got to the pub it was almost empty but Sirius had wrapped his arms around Hermione, his erection pressing into her stomach. "So Princess Witch Tits, what the hell are we going to do today?"

"Who knows" she answered with a laugh

AN: Please Review, I love them :)


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